Princess In My Dreams
by Hippe-Kip
Summary: Takes place in season one. This is RnR and Mondler, while Joey does everything to get a part in a big movie. And I mean everything.
1. No Love, No Love, And A Failed Audition

**Title: Prince(ss) In My Dreams**

**Chapter Title: No Love, No Love, And A Failed Audition**

**Genre: Comedy, Romance, Friendship**

**Summary: Story takes place in season one. After Ross gets in a relationship with Dana, the new neighbour from upstairs, he changes his personality drastically. Rachel, who is dating Mark -yes, the Mark from Bloomingdale's- is struggling to figure out if she really loves him or not. Monica gives Chandler advice on how to flirt with women, but breaks down when she realizes she has no idea what a solid relationship is build on. Meanwhile, Joey flirts with every woman he can lay hands on just to get a part in a big movie. Then, he finds out the director of the movie is gay, so he goes to Chandler for advice.**

**Author's Note: At first, I only wanted this to be an R and R story, but then I figured: what the hell! Why not throw everyone in it? And another point: the book used in this chapter is fictional. The summary is of the whole story, so this chapter doens't include everything said.**

-

"...and that's where charcoal absorbs the impurities of water, removing _all_ the dissagreeing tastes and smells." Ross Geller explained, looking carefully at the kinda bored looking delivery woman. She took a deep breath and leaned against the door. "Tell me again...at what point did I ask you to tell that little story?"

"Well-" Ross started, ignorantly of her boredom. Immediately when he opened his mouth, his sister, Monica Geller appeared from the back. She smiled and shoved 20 doller in the woman's hands. "Here's 20 bucks." She said to the relieved delivery woman. "And an apologize." She quickly added. At that point Ross let out an offended but squeaky yell, and the woman fleed out as soon as she could. Monica closed the door, turned to her older brother and smiled. "Way to be a cool _dude_, Ross."

Ross pulled a dissapointed face, and leaned against the back of the couch, taking a large swig right out of his bottle of beer. "I don't know. In my head I have this great things to say, but as soon as I see a beautiful woman, I start saying all those silly things. I mean: did I just talk about charcoal to a woman that wore a skirt and a tank top?"

"Yes, I was there. I didn't know 'The Green Dragon' could send out _sluts_." Monica commented.

Ross just gave her a look. Monica quickly headed to her bedroom. "If flirting is your main problem, I might have the right solution..." She dissapeared in her bedroom only to return with a huge book. "This." She stopped in front of him and held it in his face.

He pursed his lips as he read it. "Facts about women. What you say and what you don't say." His gaze fell on the author's name. "Devon McKaney. It's written by a _man_."

Monica shrugged. "So?" She clearly couldn't see the point.

"It's a book about women. Written by a man." Ross repeated, but when she still didn't get it, he just rolled his eyes. "Oh, the sweet irony of which my little sister has no clue of."

"Just take the book. I promise it'll help. And it also helps to compliment a woman about the way she looks." Monica adviced.

"Hey, I did that."

"Okay. Well, I don't know what the hell you were doing, or _trying_ to do, but you complimented on her symmetrical pelvic girdles."

Ross shrugged, wandered off to the livingroom and plopped down in the big white chair. "So?" He replied. "Her hips were very even..."

At that moment, the blonde Rachel Greene, who had just moved in with Monica, entered the room. She was wearing a long, red, silky dress that ended perfectly above her knees. She wore simple black court shoes and in her right hand dangled a small black purse. She spun around in front of Monica and Ross. "So...what'd you think?"

"Honey, that looks great!" Monica complimented. "That took you an hour? I recommended you that dress minutes ago."

"Yeah, well, I had second thoughts." Rachel replied bluntly, but friendly. She then turned to Ross, who was gazing at her. "What do you think?"

Ross blinked a few times, snapping out of his 'thoughts'. He quickly sat up and clearead his throat. "Well, it's definetely, uhm...fine, and perfect...and, uhm, symmetrical." He stuttered.

Rachel frowned in confusion and turned back to Monica. She smirked, and lead her to the front door. "What Ross is trying to say is: you look great."

"Really? Symmetrical?" Rachel asked.

"Don't worry. I too get that a lot," Monica replied. "Yesterday, I dated this guy Ernie. I wore this really short -but not to slutty- black dress, and asked for Chandler's advice, and I think his exact words where: aaahrtgowhmwoswow."

Rachel chuckled. "Yeah...how'd it go with Ernie anyway? I think he's really mature now. This could actually work."

"You know that's exactly what I thought yesterday. But then I found out he had a friend named Bert..."

"Bert and Ernie?" Rachel questioned. She did her best not to burst into laughter. "Well, couldn't you..."

"No," Monica answered curtly. "The irony. I couldn't handle it anymore."

The two women took a moment to overthink the moment, when Monica looked at her watch and tapped on it. "Shouldn't you go?"

"Oh, of course!" Rachel quickly opened the door and rushed out.

Ross stood up and tucked his hands in his pockets. "So...how's it going with that Mark-dude?" Ross asked Monica.

"I don't know," Monica replied. "Maybe you should consider asking the woman who's actually dating him."

-

"So, what are you going to get?" Mark inquired. They were at 'Porto Maurizio', an Italian restaurant. The waiter had just handed them their menus.

Rachel inspected the menu. "I think I'm gonna take the chicken. People say it's quite good here."

"Sure."

As they continued reading the menus, a silence fell. As so many silences used to fall between them. Rachel didn't know if she could describe it as 'comfortable' or 'uncomfortable'. She just knew they'd fall anyway. And she accepted that. As much as she accepted the fact he loved her more than she loved him.

"So, how'd the interview go?" Mark's voice sounded far away.

Rachel looked up, getting nothing more than a vague 'huh' out of herself.

"The interview." Mark repeated himself.

"Oh." Rachel remembered. Mark had arranged a meeting with some people from Louis Vuitton, to see if she could be able to join their team. "It went good, I think. They said they'd call me back."

"Sure."

Lately, Rachel noticed Mark using a lot of 'sure's. But she didn't really care. There was only one question that was really racing through her mind. But as soon as it appeared in her mind, she dismissed it. She dismissed the fact she might not be in love with him.

-

Meanwhile, Chandler was in his room reading a magazine, when he heard Joey enter the apartment. He stepped out of his room, only to see an upset Joey throwing his jacket on the floor. He didn't even greet, and headed to his room. "Wait a sec, Joe." Chandler chuckled a little. "Is this one of your 'I'm fooling you, although I did get the audition' actions?"

Joey just turned at him and groaned something through gritted teeth. "That famous other dude got a call-back!" He practically yelled. And with those words, he slammed the door of his bedroom shut. Chandler was left speechless.

"So, that was a real one." He muttered to himself, after he heard Joey rudely slamming something broken.

-

**Author's Note: I think I'm going to stop here. Please comment! The next chapter will be better and longer, I promise, since I'll have a week to write it.**


	2. I Am, Am I?

**Chapter Title: I Am, Am I?**

**Chapter Summary: Ross denies his feeling for Rachel to Phoebe, maybe a little too much. Chandler and Monica realize she is.**

**Author's Note: Thanks a lot for all the reviews. With every new one I jumped up screaming happily.**

-

"What do you mean with 'the other dude' got the call-back?" Chandler questioned. 30 minutes after Joey locked himself up in his room he decided to stop moping and just eat 'dinner' with Chandler. To be exact, they were eating the 'Joey special', two pizzas.

"Just what I said. The director was so impressed by his resume, he didn't even need to audition." Joey replied, still with a dissapointed undertone. He took a large bite of his slice of pizza. "He gets to audition next week, but I'm guessing the director already wants him."

"But...you got to do your audition, right?"

"Yeah...but I totally forgot my lines, I don't think I even make a chance." Joey looked down.

Chandler sensed that this was the right time to cheer his buddy up. "Come on. Your resume is quite impressive too, right? You've played in commercials, you did plays...all kinds of stuff. Can I put that on my resume? No!"

"Because you're not an actor."

Chandler realized Joey was the smart one on this one. "Well, no. But if I was, I'd have no chance to get a role in a blockbuster, whatsoever. You, my man, you're gonna make it. You're gonna be the new James Bond, you're gonna blow things up and be surrounded by hot chicks. But your personal life is even going to be better. You're gonna go out with world famous models, and more importantly, you can set your best bud up with some hot French model." Chandler patted Joey on the back, and the two men shared the fantasy with the biggest smile on their face.

Chandler gasped a little, as he imagined himself with the French model. "Ah...la vie est fantastique, mon ami. La vie est fantastique."

At that moment Monica entered, and was surprised to see the guys with their mouth open, staring into space. "What's going on?"

That snapped both Chandler and Joey out of their 'thoughts'. Chandler jumped on his feet and walked over to Monica, who had a plastic bag of food dangling in her right hand. "Nothing. What do you got there?"

"Oh, I ran some errands for Rachel's birthday party. I decided to make the birthday cake myself." Monica looked at Chandler. "You took care of the guests?"

Chandler shook his head. "No, I decided to let Joey do it, since he had sex with half of Rachel's friends."

"Joey!" Monica glared at Joey in dissaproval, who feigned innocence.

"I can't help that every woman wants a ride on the 'Joey-machine'..." He 'apologized'.

Chandler smiled, turned to Joey and crossed his arms. "As your friend, I am supposed to tell you the truth. Don't ever say that again. Ever."

-

"Hey Rach." Ross entered Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel looked up from her plate and smiled as she saw him. "Hey Ross." She continued eating dinner.

"So, how was your date? I thought you were going to have dinner with Mark."

Rachel took a moment to swallow before she answered. "I was going to, but when we wanted to order, Mark had an important meeting with his boss, so he brought me home, unless I wanted to eat there, pathetic and by myself."

"Oh..." Ross didn't really know what to do with that information. He decided to sit next to Rachel. "Mark's not spending that much time with you lately."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't really matter to me. I mean, I don't want to be the type of girl that wants to be around her boyfriend 24/7. I'm just so proud of him that he's doing so well with his career recently."

"Are you, really?" Ross inquired, hiding a small smirk.

She chuckled. "You're the only man who can read my mind like that. I just don't think I really appreciate him trying to have more time for me. I liked the times we spend apart. We used to see each other every once in a while."

Ross grinned. "The mainstay of every healthy relationship." He pointed out sarcastically.

"It's not like I don't see him a lot..." Rachel tried, but Ross just shook his head.

"If you want to be with him, do it. I just wanted to pick up Phoebe for a movie. She said she'd be here."

"Well..." Rachel looked a little offended that he didn't invite her.

"I figured you were on your date with the Mark-dude," Ross mentioned, noticing her looking. "But if you want, you can join us. That'd be fun."

Rachel shook her head, thinking she didn't want to accept a compaissonate offer like that. Ross smirked a little. "It's not a compaissonate offer, Rach."

That astonished Rachel. _It's getting creepy, buddy._ "What? I- What?" She stuttered.

"Accept the offer, or turn it down. Your choice. Where the hell is Pheebs?" He was getting impatient, just as Phoebe entered. "I'm so sorry I'm late, Ross. I just met the cutest guy on my way over here."

Ross tapped on his watch. "Save that story for in the cab, we gotta go. Rach, you coming?" He questioned.

Rachel thought for a second, then smiled. "Sure. Let me just go change. Two minutes."

Even though they were probably going to miss the previews, that didn't bother him, and he led her to her bedroom. "Okay, try to keep this one quick, alright?"

She gave a nod in response and closed the door. Phoebe, who would normally be offended by this happening, just smiled and fumbled with her hair. "Aren't you the cutest."

"What?" Ross inquired confused.

"You are so enamoured with the woman." She remarked, grinning a little.

Ross fakes a laugh, picks up a book from the table, opens it and starts playing with the leaf. "What uh, what are you talking about?"

"Come on, everytime she's around, you're getting all tumultuous, and jumpy, and...you know, 'you' about it. She like, so swept you off your little paleontologist feet." Phoebe rattled on, 'unaware' of Ross' uncomfortableness.

"She didn't sweep me off my feet. In fact, she's like air for me. Except, you know, not really, 'cause she's my friend. But if she wasn't, she would be air."

"Fresh air." Phoebe took a bottle of water out of the fridge. Ross was confused by the response, but decided to let it go. "Okay, now maybe she swept me off my feet a little bit in high school, but that's not the point right now. The point is, that I am over her."

"Sure."

"You're over who?" Rachel's voice in the back startled Ross, and Phoebe had another reason to reveal a smirk on her face.

Ross turned to look at her, and laughed nervously. "Rach...el! You're back. You're dressed. Ready to go!" He headed to the door, with Rachel following Ross out of curiousity. "Over who?"

"Try to talk you out of this one mr. Eeyore." Phoebe pointed out calmly, and headed out.

Ross thought and quickly turned back to her, letting Rachel bump up against him. "Carol. That's who I am over...with." Ross lied. Lucky for him, Rachel bought it and the two walked out.

-

"Look at you all dressed up." Chandler commented, when an hour later Monica entered his apartment again. She was wearing a long black dress and in her right hand dangled a tiny purse, where probably only her cellphone and her wallet would fit in. "Where are you going?"

"Rachel set me up with some guy she met at the coffee house. He's a chef too." Monica turned her back at him. "Could you just zip me up?"

He nodded, and did so. "So, is this another food-obsessed dude?"

She aburptly turned back to him. "Okay, now what is wrong with the guys I date? Why do you always try to find out their flaws? More importantly...why do you keep calling them 'food-obsessed' dudes? I mean, if I wanted a food-obsessed dude, I'd date Joey."

Chandler raised his hands in defeat and back off. "Hey, I am happy for ya, don't get me wrong. It's just that..." He stopped talking, afraid of what she might say.

"What?"

He stuttered, and was obviously hesitating. "I don't wanna say."

She crossed her arms. "Just tell me, Chandler."

"Alright, alright." Chandler replied annoyed. "I...haven't had a date in months."

"Really?" Monica replied in such disbelief that it surprised Chandler. "Why?"

"Because every time I try to ask a woman out I end up saying: 'hey, did you see the last Star Trek, dude?', and I add something that sounds like..." He pulled a weird face and made a horrifying sound, that you could refer as a witch laughing.

That shocked Monica, and she quickly gestured him to stop. "If it bothers you so much, I can set you up with a friend of mine. She's really attractive, and incredibly smart. I think you'd like her."

"Ah, don't even bother." Chandler strolled back to his favourite chair and plopped down on it. "She'll eventually run off and laugh at me for believing in it. I'm just gonna be some guy that never goes out...again. I'm gonna buy myself a cat, and that'll be the one for me!"

Monica slowly walked over him. "Come on, you have your friends. And you'll never find someone with that attitude. Look at it on the bright side!"

"What bright side?"

"Just do it!" Monica responded bluntly. "You're smart, funny, and handsome. Tons of women are waiting for men like you. You just gotta let them find you. Hell, if you'd be alone by the time you're 40, I'd date you."

Chandler grumbled. "I don't need a date with you out of compassion. Besides, you're my friend, we can't possibly cross that line. It'll be too complicated."

"Hey," Monica insisted. "Don't look at what friendship you're gonna lose. Look at it like you're gonna receive the best thing that could ever happen to you."

Chandler looked up to her, knowing she was still talking about the two of them getting together. "Are you the best thing that has ever happened to me?"

Now, she realized they were talking about them. Them, Chandler and Monica. "Am I?" She got out.

He didn't let go of her uncomfortable gaze. "Are you?"

Monica got more uncomfortable, but the blue eyes of her friend kept her right were she stood. "Am I?"

-


End file.
